Integral listening

Integral listening

 

Authentic listening requires full presence and active availability

 

Starting with our anatomy, there are clear indications of the value of listening: the ratio is two ears to one mouth. Culturally, the usual process is one of continuous and intense message stimulation, in all communication channels. We talk a lot, all the time. A lot of energy goes into arguing points of view and trying to be right. Our society lacks silence, breaks, rest and authentic listening.. Culturalmente, o processo usual é de estímulo contínuo e intenso de mensagens, em todos os canais de comunicação. Fala-se muito, o tempo todo. Muita energia é direcionada a discutir pontos de vista e buscar ter razão. Nossa sociedade carece de silêncio, de pausas, de repouso, de escuta autêntica.

 

Where does the challenge lie? I see one possibility in the cultural conditioning that there must always be one dominant aspect. It's extremely difficult to accept that, depending on the point from which we look, what we observe will take on a different meaning. The expression is logical, but the understanding is flawed: point of view, seeing from a point, and not in an integral way, the whole of what we see. The diversity of opinions has its acceptance limited in proportion to the attachment to a model of reality. ponto de vista, ver a partir de um ponto, e não de forma integral, o todo do que vemos. A diversidade de opiniões tem sua aceitação limitada na proporção do apego a um modelo de realidade.

 

In order to really listen, it is essential to let go of attachment to concepts. This attitude requires, first of all, accepting that it is possible to be different without being better or worse in a model assumed to be the standard. This qualitative approach to reality represents a significant step towards living in a more relaxed and peaceful way. A simplified form of this attitude is the expression "live and let live". Often, my weariness is more related to "fixing" the world and people than to investing my energy in being happy in the way that I perceive to be efficient for me. To the extent that I accept that it is possible to be happy in ways that are different from what I believe to be the "right" ways, and that these ways respect my personal way of living in contentment, the reality of living with diversity becomes much simpler.viva e deixe viver”. Muitas vezes, meu desgaste está mais relacionado a “consertar” o mundo e as pessoas do que em investir minha energia em ser feliz da forma que percebo ser eficiente para mim. Na medida em que aceito que é possível ser feliz em formas diferentes das que eu acredito serem as “corretas”, e essas formas respeitam a minha forma pessoal de viver em contentamento, a realidade de conviver com a diversidade simplifica-se muito.

 

A very skilful methodology to support the process of active listening is to immerse yourself in the reality of the speaker. We often believe that understanding and accepting someone's words and concepts is enough for them to be heard. My experience is that this is not enough. Firstly, we often listen in a parallel process of internally preparing an argument based on our view of what is being said, which will prevent us from listening fully, as part of our attention will go to nourishing the cycle of trying to be right. Then, listening that only takes place on the level of concepts, whatever communication channels are used, will be a partial process. The relevance of non-verbal communication, which relates to supra-rational elements of understanding, has been amply demonstrated. Furthermore, and more importantly, the complexity of a vision and position in the face of reality can only really be understood - in the broadest sense of the term - in consciential terms, which requires experiencing the context and circumstances that gave rise to that vision. This radical understanding requires a state that dispenses with judgements, a certain existential stillness that allows the necessary time for experience, elaboration and the emergence of a new possible vision, now with other references that only full presence provides.

 

In summary, I would like to say that one of the best ways to simplify our daily lives is to improve our capacity for dialogue. And that dialogue will be as effective as our ability to speak from real experiences. Using an expression I learnt from Gandhi, "my power comes from saying what I do".meu poder vem de dizer o que faço”.

 

The challenge remains to practise this level of coherence in our relationships with other beings and with reality. I feel that, as a result, our existence will be more rewarding, peaceful, relaxed and healthy. Good practice!